Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Me and My Frenemy Codependence.

This is where I indulge myself and just spew everything I'm thinking about codependence all over my blog.

It's recently been brought to my attention that I have an issue with codependent relationships. haha. You're probably thinking, um Yeah!! 'bout time Ciara! ... I just recently saw quote this online somewhere...

Codependence is doing the unnecessary for the ungrateful.

"Codependence is like a leech. It starts slowly, stealing every other one of your weekends, and continues to suck you dry until every single day is consumed by your codependent relationship." That is so incredibly well said. It is so much like a leech. If you click on that link it'll take you to an interesting website that talks about codependent relationships and how to get your life back from them. 

Now, I've been doing a bit of reading but haven't found the right material. According to a lot of the stuff I've read...
1. Codependents typically grew up with someone with an addiction or have one themselves.
2. Are Perfectionistic and Distrustful.
3. Do not want to talk about feelings because it will cause the relationship not to go smoothly.
4. They see problems with everyone and feel they are the only one that can fix it...
5. Have difficulty making decisions and leave everything up to the other person.
6. Are controlling.

I mean WOW. That stuff is totally not me. I love discussing issues but what I've found is that other people don't want to. I do not feel like I'm the only one that can fix problems and I'm not distrustful or a perfectionist. Oh, and I SOOOOOO do NOT have difficulty making decisions. (ok sometimes with certain things) but what I found was that I was the person making ALL the decisions! not the other way around. And I am not controlling.

There are a lot of websites throwing around things like this about codependents and it's really confusing and misguiding. Maybe there are a lot of different degrees to codependents. And I also think that there are people who are attracted to that type of person and that makes the whole thing worse.

What I do know about myself and agree with...I...
1. Feel guilty when being assertive or don't assert myself when I have a need
2. Have had a physical illness related to stress
3. Consistently feel unfulfilled in relationships
4. Have care-taking behavior.... most definitely.
5. Will avoid doing things for me to make sure things go smoothly in the relationship.

You know, I think I just don't fit in any type of box. I don't feel like I'm this big codependent person. I enjoy taking care of other people, yes, and I think my problem is that I have had relationships where it's taken advantage of. I think if I were in a relationship with a person with healthy boundaries and such, these issues would be non-existent because I would feel fulfilled and comfortable. 

Maybe I  have a problem with codependent RELATIONSHIPS and it's not so much me being a neeeeedy whiney codependent PERSON.

Either way, I will continue to look into it in the hopes of bettering myself and building a happier future. You have to start somewhere and you have to accept some unpleasant things about yourself if you're going to move forward and make a change.

Eminem/Rihanna - Love the Way You Lie 

Matchbox Twenty - Push

Like I said, I'm just spewing for my own personal pleasure :) The above videos, I think, exemplify unhealthy codependent relationships.

spew over.


Sara Bareilles - Gravity

By the way, I gotta say how much I love Sara Bareilles. She is an amazing artist.

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Please feel free to comment. I do review my comments to deter slander. Thank you for your consideration and again, thanks for reading. Have a lovely day! - Ciara