Tuesday, April 13, 2010

You're Not My Friend!

I read this entry recently from Generation Meh about cutting your ties with those people who make having them as a friend a difficulty. It's perfect timing actually because I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Actually the topic has been on my mind for about 2 years since I moved from Alabama. The entry I read put my thoughts into beautiful sentences.

In college I had a lot of fair-weather-friends. Not because they weren't good people but because I was in a sorority and we were all forced to be friends. Granted a lot of people really did make life long friendships, and I can't knock it because one of my dearest friends was an Alpha Delta Pi with me. But I'm not a "group" kind of girl. I learned a lot during my time there, including that just because you value someone as a friend doesn't mean that they value you the same way.

You know the ones, the friend you have that no matter how much effort you put into the relationship you still get nothing back. There's another kind too, the friend that is always getting mad at you for the littlest thing. The friend that takes your own life personally and offers you judgements right and left, but then when you really need to talk all they can do is talk about themselves.

I've come to realize that it's okay to let those people go. You don't have to hold onto them. Like Generation Meh says,

"...stop martyring yourself on the altar of someone else’s indifference."

You don't have to run circles for these people. They don't make your life any better. Don't sweat the small stuff! My roommates have really tried to make my life miserable. My roommate has made her boyfriend swear that he will not share the internet they just signed up for. When I take dishes out of the sink to make room to use it I find that they have put the dishes back in, just for kicks. I realize that this is a little off the beaten path of discussion about those friends who don't want to be YOUR friend but you try to be theirs... but, for me it's the same idea. I'm not martyring myself, I'm not going to try to make things better when my attempts in the past have failed.

I'm not gonna sweat it, because it really is small stuff.

I'm taking my ball and going home.

Are there people in your life that you've had to let go? How did you feel about losing that person? Was the friendship lost because you just couldn't do the legwork anymore? Or did they push you away with their actions?


  1. All too often I've run into those "friends"... It's not worth the stress to try to maintain something that doesn't exist! Kudos to you girl :)

  2. I can relate to this post on a lot of levels - especially the bit about your room mates. I also spent a year living with 3 girls that went out of their way to make me feel unwanted/worthless. One of the girls and I shared the same birthday - needless to say the other 2 roomies planned a huge birthday party for HER, and I ended up throwing my own a night earlier. Any opportunity they had to do something/say something that would bring me down, they seized it. It really affected me, until I realized that being sad and upset just fueled the fire - so I started to ignore them. It was really hard because at one point in time, we'd all been close and I'd shared a lot of really personal information with them. But, once I got past the initial pain of losing them, I branched out and slowly but surely met people who genuinely cared about me.

  3. Ignoring really is the best thing you can do. Eventually they got bored and trying to bring me down wasn't as much fun. But one night I really did have to give them an ear-full. they didn't expect it from me, the quiet one. And I think it shocked them enough to leave me alone. I was surprised that I had it in me, but I was proud to realize that I had the strength to stand up for myself.

  4. Hello,
    You seem like a nice enough person so i'm going to give some kind advice from a wiser and more experienced soul. I find that no matter what the case, every story has two sides. Never blame others for our decisions. We as human beings are responsible for our words, hearts, and spirits. Damaging any of these is usually the fault of ourselves. What did you do to your roommates to cause this negative, childish behavior? Did you offend without knowledge? Make certain you hold yourself accountable and if u truly did nothing then why move in with these people? Be positive and kind no matter the face of adversity and never wallow in the shallow pool of self-pity. "A puddle of self-pity turns into a pool of grief to drown in" My mother told me that and it still resonates true for me. And never fight fire with fire, no matter how tempting, because you'll always burn yourself in the end. I hope this helps your plight and inspires altruistic feeling within and outwards. God Bless!!!!!

  5. Thanks soulsearcher. Yes, there are 2 sides to every story. I don't blame anyone else my the decisions I have made. You're also right that we are responsible for our own spirits; which is why I am protecting mine and disposing of poisonous people.

    You say "What did you do to your roommates"? I asked them to clean the kitchen. I repeatedly discussed the cleaning issue with them, after which I heard one of them say "she needs to understand this is just how we live". Really? This is even after their previous apartment had roaches. Still cleaning was unnaceptable.

    I never said anything hurtful or rude. I just tried to come to an understanding with them since we all live in the same house.

    Not only that, but these people were exceptionally kind to me before, helping me out in many ways when I needed it. So I thought they were kind people. That is why I moved in with them. That was before I asked them to clean.

    You're assuming that no one does things to hurt other people just for fun. Some people do. Maybe you've never met a person like that, and I'm glad for you. I just want you to know that some people don't always lash out because they are hurt by what you said. Maybe they just want to hurt you.


Please feel free to comment. I do review my comments to deter slander. Thank you for your consideration and again, thanks for reading. Have a lovely day! - Ciara