Monday, February 14, 2011

I'm trying to speak your language

I have some thoughts on friendships. I've had the good fortune to have some wonderful ones over the years, some that I've had since middle school. I am slow to make friends, I always have been that way. But when I make a friend it's usually for life. I have been burned by people who I thought were my friends. It happened recently and was a shock to me. I'd never known people like that existed, at least not in my world. I guess maybe it's made me take another look at how I trust people. I trusted those people and they turned on me and made my life as miserable as they possibly could. I thought I'd always been careful to keep those kinds of people out of my life. But they got in and that kindof shook my little world.

It's not just that though, the past 3 years of my life have brought people into my life and I've also lost people. It's caused me to value my true friendships that much more. I realize that I may have alienated a few friends more than I thought I did. It's a shame, but in the end you find out who your true friends are.

Some people have not made much of an effort to be my friend and I have to accept the fact that maybe they don't really want to be. I have to be okay with that. People grow, People change and if they don't want to put value in my friendship then that's the way it has to be. I can't force people to give me the attention I want. I have to recognize that maybe they don't value me in the same way I value them. And so be it. Instead of focusing on a loss I can focus on those people who have reached out to me and been there for me.

One thing I've learned over the years is that sometimes you have to be the one to mend a friendship, even if you don't believe you were in the wrong. I've been through some rough times with friends and at times I truly felt that they were in the wrong. But in the end, I value their friendship, I value them as a person. So I reached out, and it's been so much more rewarding than focusing on anger and resentment.

Also, sometimes you have to speak the other person's language. I think it's the same as a love language; it's the way that person communicates and feels valued. For example, I'm a letter writer and I love to write and send letters. I realize that not everyone likes to write letters. But, I have a friend who takes time out of her busy day to send me a letter every once in awhile. It's nothing long or elaborate, but she's speaking my language! It makes me feel special and loved to receive a piece of communication from my friend who is trying to communicate with me in a way that she knows makes me feel good.

Give your friends a break. This can be hard for me sometimes. I want my friends to do everything the right way! haha. But that is just not real life. Sometimes my friends frustrate me and really anger me, but I have to remember that they are people too. If I expect for my friends to cut me some slack sometimes then I need to do the same for them. It's all small stuff anyways. In the end, it doesn't really matter.

So I vent about things and complain. So what! Who doesn't? I just hope that my friends know how much I value them in my life. You should tell your friends too. Every once in awhile let them know you care. It will mean a lot to them.

"Whoever says Friendship is easy has obviously never had a true friend!"
- Bronwyn Polson

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Please feel free to comment. I do review my comments to deter slander. Thank you for your consideration and again, thanks for reading. Have a lovely day! - Ciara