here i be!

Well I finally made it to Montana. Took me 3 1/2 days. I got to drive through some of that wonderful weather that Texas and Colorado got, but luckily I missed the worst parts. I didn't have to drive through the storm, I basically followed it. I know a lot of people don't like long drives like that but I enjoyed it. Something about the solitude; being alone and thinking, listening to music, audio books. It was nice. Just me and Sally. My car can hold a LOT of stuff!

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The Destructiveness of a Love that Never Changes

click to view this artist's other work

I listened to Wuthering Heights on the way . I read it in high school. For some reason I really love it. Neither character (Catherine or Heathcliff) have any redeeming qualities. But something about the story draws me in. Maybe I like the fact that they aren't good people. They don't win in the end anyways. Books don't always have to be written about good people. In the sparknotes to Wuthering Heights one of the quotes is explained, where Catherine says I am Heathcliff - In following the relationship through to its painful end, the novel ultimately may attest to the destructiveness of a love that denies difference. It is explained that in literature, love is described in terms of opposites; like the sun and the moon, frost & fire. So I understand why Catherine's words do not make sense. We have to recognize differences and she does not. 

Also, they refused to allow change. Young Catherine and Hareton (in the second half of the book) allow themselves to change and accept each other's changes and differences. Heathcliff and Catherine are stuck in their childhood love and although take on different lives refuse to adapt to those lives and in the end their refusal to accept it and move destroys them. This is not a love story, it's a story of revenge. Sortof like The Count of Monte Cristo, where revenge also destroys him.

Interesting.

I like reading classics when certain things can be explained. That's what I loved reading literature in school; the teachers would explain the era and why things were important. It make the books so much more interesting and relevant. Here's an interesting short summary of the book. (the narrator of the audio book was excellent by the way).

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 So, here I am in Montana. It's quite surreal as I've never actually had my own car here even though I've been back several times. It seems unreal to be living here. I hope everything turns out alright. It's nice to be close to other family members, although I still miss my mom a lot. She's off meandering in Peru!

I also started another audio book after finishing with Wuthering Heights. It's called The Last Girls, by Lee Smith. It's quite a good book; it reminds me of The Secrets of the YaYa Sisterhood. It's located in the south; Alabama, Louisiana, Mississippi... and it's kind of a coming of age story; like Now and Then where the girls are adults now and are remembering their childhoods. I really like the style of the book; each chapter is written from a different perspective and that keeps me interested. The audio book is narrated by the author herself and she did a great job! (you know I always enjoy a well-narrated book).

Well that's all for now. I'm glad to be off the road and now we'll see what new adventures Montana can bring.

February Goals

I have not been very diligent in my monthly goal postings, or my monthly goals at all for that matter. I've just kind of been all over the place, physically and mentally. So making goals and posting them has just not been on my radar. But I am ready to get my life back on track and ready to start focusing on goals again. I'm moving back to Montana and I am looking forward to it but also very sad that I can't see my mother as much as I would like. I've very much missed having her around and this last month has been so nice. But I have to do the right thing for me, which is moving to Montana.

Nothing is Permanent. Nothing is Wasted. I don't have to worry about making the wrong decision. Just because I move somewhere doesn't mean I have to live there forever. And things can always change. Because Change is the Only Constant. I love that quote.

Over the next month or so I would like to...

Find a job or two. I actually have an interview! Hooray! So hopefully that will work out and I will also be able to find another one as well.
Save money from those jobs that I WILL find! 
Pay off bills/debts (not necessarily all in one month, HA)
Connect with the Bitterroot CASA program. CASA is such a great program. I'm a guardian ad litem for at-risk youth and CASA connects me with a child and I advocate for that child's best interest in the court and with all of the people that are involved in the child's case. The child will most likely be in foster care and needs extra attention in the court system. It's a great way to give back and you can really make a difference just by being there.
Connect with Bitterroot Therapeutic Riding Program. I adore horses! I've just found this program and I've sent in my application. I'm hoping that I can be a part of it. They seem like a very well put-together organization.
Get a haircut. I am such a procrastinator.
See old friends. 
Do things that I enjoy, for me.

click to view this artist's gallery 

Hummingbirds

I just wanted to update on the Phoebe the hummingbird and her little babies. Well, they're not so little anymore! You can see their little tongues poke in and out! so cute! I've noticed she doesn't stick her beak as far down their gullets as she used to. haha. Man you would think she was stabbing them!

http://www.sportsmansparadiseonline.com/Live_Hummingbird_Cam.html

If you're interested in feeding your own hummingbirds, please check out this website. They have feeder care tips for feeding your hummingbirds. You don't want to do it incorrectly because you could make them sick. They are very sensitive. 

Most Important Tips

Clean the feeder regularly!!!

Don't use Dye/Honey/Artificial Sweeteners

Make your own "juice" don't buy commercial food 

Here are some interesting clips of Phoebe. If you're not constantly watching you can miss stuff, so it's nice to be able to go back and see some clips and pictures. Here's another interesting website on hummers.

Hummingbird Food Recipe

One (1) Part Granulated White Sugar
  mixed into:
Four (4) Parts Boiled Water(measured hot water has small
evaporation loss so you will end up 
with the required one to four ratio)
COOL to Room Temperature
then fill feeder.

I enjoy wildlife. Isn't it great that we have these cameras and are privileged to see these amazing birds up close like this? I think it's the coolest thing! I hope you enjoy it too.

Making Yourself a Priority

“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option”
??? Mark Twain / Kelly Angard ???

What a great quote. Here's an interesting thing. I was meandering around on the web and came across it, and was interested in what might come up if I copy/pasted it into Google. The first link I clicked took me to this interesting blogger (funny how they just pop up all over the place) and also that this artist Kelly Angard has the quote copy-righted to her name. ? Apparently she has an original piece of artwork with that quote attributed to it. But here's what she says underneath the picture - photo & quote: ALL RIGHTS RESERVED ©2006 kelly angard 
DO NOT REPRINT OR POST QUOTE or PHOTOGRAPH without consent from KELLY ANGARD.

But whatever. I went to Kelly's website and she really has some very interesting photos. I rather like her stuff. So I have no problem including her links on my blog. I wish I could post some of her pictures cuz they're beautiful. And I love her use of quotes. I'm a big quote fan. 


Anyways, back to the qutoe...
Sometimes I have to remind myself to do this; make myself a priority. It's not that I worry about what people think of me but that I don't want to disappoint those people close to me. I want to make the decisions they want me to make because it'll make them happy. I know it's silly. It doesn't make sense to a lot of people and I don't know why I'm like that. Must be that codependency coming out in me. Other people's happiness makes me happy. But I can't do that when I know what the right decision for me is. It's still hard.


I'm trying to work in it and not worry about disappointing people. The truth is, is that I know that my family and friends will not and are not disappointed by me in the least! But my brain is silly and doesn't always remember that. So it's all crazy; here I am with a wonderful supportive family and circle of wonderful friends who love me for me, and I'm trying to make them happy with my own decisions??? wtf right?! They're already happy with me so I don't need to do anything more. 


So I'll keep reminding myself of these things. Maybe I'll write out the quote and tape it to my monitor.


I Googled "how to make yourself a priority" and found some stuff on ehow.com.

Plan Plan Plan Your Day

must dos/should dos/like to dos

rank them by importance (As, Bs & Cs)

remember to schedule time for yourself throughout the day

Get Up Early

have some quiet time with a coffee/book... whatever

this will also help you feel more relaxed and prepared for the day's challenges

Begin Your Day!

cross out your list of to-dos throughout the day; it will make you feel accomplished

check with yourself throughout the day 

Keep it Up

you can do more when you take time for yourself

if you're feeling good you'll keep doing it

Wildlife Webcams

I'd like to share something fun with you. Wildlife Webcams. Last year I got to see a barn owl cam with brand new babies! It was pretty cool. It looks like there are several cool things this year as well.

Here are a few that look particularly good...
Hummingbird & Babies - (better viewed during the day) This is a really cool one.
Bald Eagle Nest - California (better viewed during the day)
Mating Pair of Barn Owls - also California (can be viewed at night)
3 Baby Squirrels SO CUTE! - again, California. geez! (can be viewed at night)
Bear Cam - Minnesota (can be viewed at night) I'm not sure how often the bears show up

African Watering Hole - not sure how many animals show up; I think it'd be cool.
Australia Wildlife cam - pretty birds are there pretty often it seems. (can be viewed at night b/c when it's night here it's day there)

Well that's just about it. I think they all have something neat to offer. Hopefully you show up just at the right time to see something cool. Luckily though some of them always have something going one. I love the baby squirrels and the hummingbird babies!

Posted below are a few of my screenshots. Isn't Phoebe the hummingbird just beautiful!?

Phoebe the hummingbird

Barn Owl

this one is from the Australian backyard wildlife cam

Momma feeding hungry babies! She does this a lot so you've got a good chance of catching it

here are the babies! can you see their tiny little beaks? don't they look like caterpillars?!

two music videos I adore

"Music does bring people together.
It allows us to experience the same emotions.
People everywhere are the same in heart and spirit.
No matter what language we speak, what color we are,
the form of our politics or the expression of our love and our faith,
music proves: We are the same."
~ John Denver ~

Here are two music videos that I think are great. Completely different. The second one made me cry.

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I love the message of this one. Who cares what everybody else thinks. Live you own life.
I really love Pink. Her music is always saying something. She doesn't care about what anybody thinks. She writes crazy songs, songs with a message, and some that are really gut wrenchingly personally.
I've always been a fan.
Here's a touching one she sang the Grammys - Glitter in the Air
I also love Fun House because the way she dances in the video is so fun! It makes me want to dance.

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This one is sung by Sara Bareilles but there is no official music video out. This video was made by a filmmaker that I just stumbled accros on YouTube. love YouTube, don't you? I didn't even know it wasn't the official video, it's that good. The singer is, obviously, not her, but she does an excellent acting job. WELL DONE to the maker - Sean Willis.

It's a beautiful song and the video is an interesting interpretation of it. Like I said, made me cry.

I think Sara Bareilles is fascinating; a true artist. Writes her own songs and is more amazing in person than on her cds. I had the pleasure of seeing her live at Rams Head Live in Annapolis MD. She was wonderful. Her music is so catchy with messages and she isn't whiney about life. She just seems like a real upbeat kind of person. Love!

Here's some more videos/songs I like - Morningside

This one's powerful - City

And of course, I love her newest video/song - King of Anything. it's so spunky!

I go into it a little more - here - in response to my post about codependency.

~

"Music washes away from the soul
the dust of everyday life."
~ Berthold Auerbach (1812-1882) ~

~

 So thanks for allowing me go on this mini musical blog binge and tell you about some videos I love. I suppose I could be writing about "better" things but music is so important to me that I like to share things that inspire me with others. I hope you like them. 

I've been working a lot on my resume lately so I think I'm gonna post some about how to put your resume together. Of course I'm using some excellent books which, of course! I will share with YOU!

let me hold your crown, babe

Ok so I just finished a post about codependant relationships and how I think they are not all created equal. I think this song goes to my interpretation of some of the kinds of things I've experienced.  I've posted the lyrics and italicized & colored the parts that make me think of codependence so you can see what I'm seeing. I think it's pretty interesting.

Keep drinking coffee, stare me down across the table
While I look outside

So many things I’d say if only I were able

But I just keep quiet and count the cars that pass by

You’ve got opinions, man

We’re all entitled to ‘em, but I never asked

So let me thank you for your time, and try not to waste anymore of mine

And get out of here fast

I hate to break it to you babe, but I’m not drowning

There’s no one here to save

Who cares if you disagree?

You are not me

Who made you king of anything?

So you dare tell me who to be?

Who died and made you king of anything?

You sound so innocent, all full of good intent

Swear you know best

But you expect me to jump up on board with you

And ride off into your delusional sunset

I’m not the one who’s lost with no direction

But you’ll never see

You’re so busy making maps with my name on them in all caps

You got the talking down, just not the listening

And who cares if you disagree?

You are not me

Who made you king of anything?

So you dare tell me who to be?

Who died and made you king of anything?

All my life I’ve tried to make everybody happy

While I just hurt and hide

Waiting for someone to tell me it’s my turn to decide

Who cares if you disagree?

You are not me

Who made you king of anything?

So you dare tell me who to be?

Who died and made you king of anything?

Let me hold your crown, babe.

I love that last line. Makes me smile :)

During my reading on codependence someone had Kelly Clarkson's Miss Independence video posted in relation to codependence. I can see it, although it's a little different; but it speaks to the loss of independence (even though this video doesn't mention it as a bad thing). Another interesting thought. What do you think?