why do I ever think it has anything to do with me?!?

Seriously. I don't know why I have these delusions that my life in Christ has anything to do with me!

Last week was kindof a tough week spiritually. See, I work really hard, a lot for several days, then I have a few days off and I crash. I crash and I eat bad food and watch crap television and can't get out of the funk.. then I go to church and whine when I can't get people to focus. Um, hello Ciara?

How do you expect to be a blessing to anyone when you're being crabby pants yourself? Going to church isn't about being blessed by others, it's about BEING the blessing TO others!!! It's not about me at all. It's about Jesus. All the time. Every second of every day, and especially on Sabbath!

So last week I had a whine session with my mom about it and she talked with me and gave me exactly what I needed, like she always does. I am grateful that I have that. But not everyone does. Some people don't have that person they can talk to. Maybe their week was even worse than mine. Maybe they didn't pray at all and are having an even worse spiritual low than me. Maybe it's been that way for a long time.

Jesus doesn't want me to whine about it. He wants me to get up off my butt and do something to help someone else.

I've also been doing a lot of thinking about prayer lately. I've learned a lot about it. Pretty sure I am that God has placed that in my path for a reason. Everywhere I turn I keep hearing stuff about prayer. So obviously that's what God wants from me. And I think I'd like to talk to you about it as well. So stay tuned for that next time.

Remember, if you're feeling down, talk to Jesus about it. Ask him to send His angels to give you some help with whatever it is you're feeling and what you're dealing with... and He will.

Remember, God does not step in where He's not wanted. So ask Him for special help and He WILL help you! Claim His promise!

The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance. - 2 Peter 3:9

I'm trying to speak your language



I have some thoughts on friendships. I've had the good fortune to have some wonderful ones over the years, some that I've had since middle school. I am slow to make friends, I always have been that way. But when I make a friend it's usually for life. I have been burned by people who I thought were my friends. It happened recently and was a shock to me. I'd never known people like that existed, at least not in my world. I guess maybe it's made me take another look at how I trust people. I trusted those people and they turned on me and made my life as miserable as they possibly could. I thought I'd always been careful to keep those kinds of people out of my life. But they got in and that kindof shook my little world.

It's not just that though, the past 3 years of my life have brought people into my life and I've also lost people. It's caused me to value my true friendships that much more. I realize that I may have alienated a few friends more than I thought I did. It's a shame, but in the end you find out who your true friends are.

Some people have not made much of an effort to be my friend and I have to accept the fact that maybe they don't really want to be. I have to be okay with that. People grow, People change and if they don't want to put value in my friendship then that's the way it has to be. I can't force people to give me the attention I want. I have to recognize that maybe they don't value me in the same way I value them. And so be it. Instead of focusing on a loss I can focus on those people who have reached out to me and been there for me.

One thing I've learned over the years is that sometimes you have to be the one to mend a friendship, even if you don't believe you were in the wrong. I've been through some rough times with friends and at times I truly felt that they were in the wrong. But in the end, I value their friendship, I value them as a person. So I reached out, and it's been so much more rewarding than focusing on anger and resentment.

Also, sometimes you have to speak the other person's language. I think it's the same as a love language; it's the way that person communicates and feels valued. For example, I'm a letter writer and I love to write and send letters. I realize that not everyone likes to write letters. But, I have a friend who takes time out of her busy day to send me a letter every once in awhile. It's nothing long or elaborate, but she's speaking my language! It makes me feel special and loved to receive a piece of communication from my friend who is trying to communicate with me in a way that she knows makes me feel good.

Give your friends a break. This can be hard for me sometimes. I want my friends to do everything the right way! haha. But that is just not real life. Sometimes my friends frustrate me and really anger me, but I have to remember that they are people too. If I expect for my friends to cut me some slack sometimes then I need to do the same for them. It's all small stuff anyways. In the end, it doesn't really matter.

So I vent about things and complain. So what! Who doesn't? I just hope that my friends know how much I value them in my life. You should tell your friends too. Every once in awhile let them know you care. It will mean a lot to them.

"Whoever says Friendship is easy has obviously never had a true friend!"

- Bronwyn Polson

You're Not My Friend!

I read this entry recently from Generation Meh about cutting your ties with those people who make having them as a friend a difficulty. It's perfect timing actually because I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Actually the topic has been on my mind for about 2 years since I moved from Alabama. The entry I read put my thoughts into beautiful sentences.

In college I had a lot of fair-weather-friends. Not because they weren't good people but because I was in a sorority and we were all forced to be friends. Granted a lot of people really did make life long friendships, and I can't knock it because one of my dearest friends was an Alpha Delta Pi with me. But I'm not a "group" kind of girl. I learned a lot during my time there, including that just because you value someone as a friend doesn't mean that they value you the same way.

You know the ones, the friend you have that no matter how much effort you put into the relationship you still get nothing back. There's another kind too, the friend that is always getting mad at you for the littlest thing. The friend that takes your own life personally and offers you judgements right and left, but then when you really need to talk all they can do is talk about themselves.

I've come to realize that it's okay to let those people go. You don't have to hold onto them. Like Generation Meh says,

"...stop martyring yourself on the altar of someone else’s indifference."

You don't have to run circles for these people. They don't make your life any better. Don't sweat the small stuff! My roommates have really tried to make my life miserable. My roommate has made her boyfriend swear that he will not share the internet they just signed up for. When I take dishes out of the sink to make room to use it I find that they have put the dishes back in, just for kicks. I realize that this is a little off the beaten path of discussion about those friends who don't want to be YOUR friend but you try to be theirs... but, for me it's the same idea. I'm not martyring myself, I'm not going to try to make things better when my attempts in the past have failed.

I'm not gonna sweat it, because it really is small stuff.

I'm taking my ball and going home.

Are there people in your life that you've had to let go? How did you feel about losing that person? Was the friendship lost because you just couldn't do the legwork anymore? Or did they push you away with their actions?