My Challenge. What's Yours?

Well, as is made clear, I am not a blogger. While I find it to be a good idea in theory I can never stick with it. I wonder, is blogging inherently selfish? To think that my ideas are so important that they're worth putting on the internet for other people to read. To think that I'm so interesting that people will want to read anything I have to say. I like reading other people's blogs sometimes. Sometimes they're 'journalist bloggers'.. is that a thing? I don't think I'm a horrible writer. I think some of the reason I don't do it is because I don't have time. Or I don't make time. Or I don't feel like I want people to know my thoughts.

I've changed the name of my blog today. Until now it was "Self Titled". I decided that was arrogant and self-centered and since I have been spending more and more time with God, even my non-existent blog should be more focused on Him than on me. All things that I do should be about Him and sharing the good news that is offered through Him. The more time I spend talking with God and studying His Word, the more peace I get. The less I worry. And the better my marriage gets. And here's something that I have found to be amazing...

He cares about the little things!

He cares about my job; about how I perform in my job. In fact, He's the reason I have the job I do today. And just today, He helped my husband with his job search. You may be wondering how can I know that God actually did anything? It could just be coincidence! No. Have you ever known anything and not been able to prove it? Even to yourself? Sometimes that's how it is with God. I know that He has helped me and been there to influence my decisions. No, It doesn't always mean He's going to answer the way I want, and sometimes He will be silent (I find that those are the times I usually know the answer already, I just want it to be a different one; the one I want but I know isn't right for me)... But He is there and He cares. He cares about how I react to my annoying co-worker. He reminds me EVERY DAY to stop being judgmental and love her the way that He loves her. Right now that is my current challenge. 

So, maybe I'll be on here more. And maybe I won't. I'm done making promises about blogging :) I'm going to make promises to God and maybe I'll get on here and tell you about the things I'm learning. Or maybe I'll just tell you about my day and my annoying neighbors that God keeps reminding me to pray for :) 

In any case, it's nice to spend time on  your computer screen with you. If you're interested, I'd like to hear about what your challenges are... they don't even have to be in relation to God or faith. Don't worry, I'm not gonna throw my Bible at you or tell you just just believe and everything will be alright... Let's just share our struggles and the ways we are trying to be better people on this earth.

ps - yes I'm still going to post on my Health Nuggets page... I mean, I might. No promises ;-)

Merry Christmas! thoughts and thanks

Merry Christmas everyone! I just finished a long day of work and am feeling a bit sentimental and it's been a few weeks so I thought I'd get on here and write a few words.

I want to talk about some things that I'm Thankful for.

Family. I have a wonderful family. I really enjoy the time that is spent with them. All families have their own special quirks. One of my family's quirks is that we are often very quiet and first glance... but just like my own personality, once you get behind the curtain you find that we're all pretty rowdy and some of us have big mouths :) I won't say who ... It seems to me that every member of my family is on the whole very kind and loving. I've been surrounded by this my whole life and it's been a big influence on my life; the loving nature of my family.

I'm Thankful for the aunt Julie and my grandma Gladys. Both have passed away. How is it that we often seem to lose the best of us so early? Both were incredible strong women and I am better for having them in my life, let alone my family. They were such great examples for what a life of giving should look like. I hope I can be more like them. They are dearly missed.

I am grateful for my job. I can finally say that. I can finally settle down and enjoy my work; knowing that I don't have plans for leaving in a year or so. That's been my life for the past 4-5 years... take the job but know you're leaving. Now I plan to stay. Sure I may not stay here forever, but it also might be forever! I work at a Youth Home and believe in the work there. I enjoy it immensely. The kids are a lot of fun; at times very tiring and mentally exhausting, but enjoyable. In the end they are all just kids who are having troubles at home. Some of the don't have homes or a family. I know that in the overall scheme of their lives I am not making a difference, but if I can give them some enjoyable days and help teach some lessons then I will be happy. I just want to spread some love...

I am grateful for good friends and coworkers. I have a pretty interesting array of coworkers. I have a few jobs; both of which employ relief staff so there's quite a large pool of people. It's been pretty neat getting to know everyone over the past year. I am lucky to work with awesome people; all of whom want to help make lives better. As for my friends... I don't see enough of them as I would like. It's hard this time in our lives. We're all so busy and I live an hour from Missoula where several of them live; so it's hard to get together for a coffee or lunch or something. It really only happens when I drive to zootown... But it's still nice to have good friends that make an effort :)

Lastly listed but certainly not least is my relationship with Jesus and my church. He has been big in my life lately and I know that He has helped me with some pretty big issues. I was baptized November 26, 2011. My church family has been very special. They've taken me in and helped me feel welcome. Of course they know my whole family and that helps, but they are welcoming me as an individual and not as a Johnson. I look forward to being more involved and helping out a lot more this next year. We have a new pastor and I just think he's the bee's knees. Him and his family are pretty great. He likes to talk about all the things that I like to talk about and learn about when it comes to God and religion. It's gonna be a good year.

Thanks for reading & Merry Christmas!

For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.

Matthew 18:20 

garbledeegoop

That's a word that my mother used to use and probably still does on occasion :) I couldn't think of a specific topic to write about today so I'm just gonna free-write and just go with it and see what comes out. I have a lot of things on my brain; a lot of garbledeegoop!

I guess I'll start with an update on what's going on with me lately. Grandpa is in the living room, "watching" the news. For those of you who don't know, that means napping. He's got a busy summer. He went to the lake already, came home and did yard work, then he's going for a week long backpacking trip (yes he's 80).. after that he is going to rest a week (ie: do more yardwork) and then bike to Bozeman to help seniors in high school learn about the wild wilderness.. He's a busy man. Notice how I said let me tell you what's going on in my life and I tell you about my grandpa. Of course. But he's an inspiration to a lot of people and to me. Therefor it must be mentioned.

I'm posting some pictures below of my latest hiking adventure. It was exhilarating to be out in nature like that all by myself. I'm trying to pick my next hike. I would love to go bike the Hiawatha Bike Trail soon. I've been trying to go for a long time but it hasn't worked out yet. It's kindof a far drive & I think it would be more fun to go with someone for that particular adventure. I've had a bit of a hard time finding adventure partners and that's been a little bit frustrating. But I'm a big girl and I can do things on my own. It's good to be alone but I'm also pretty social and being female I feel successful and happy when I have good relationships. When my relationships aren't very strong I feel 'down'. So that's something I've been dealing with also; it seems that everyone is too busy with their schedules and doing things with their significant others. I pray about it and God has truly been helping me with that.

My job situation has improved. I'm still working weekend afternoons at a mental health group home and I am really liking it. I've also recently been hired at a Youth Home for kids in transition. I'm only relief staff right now but there are a few openings and I'm hoping to get one of them. I'm very excited because I really like working there so far. They have a wonderful philosophy and I've been trying to get work in the youth field for a long time now. I have a big heart for kids in trouble. Youth are amazing and people don't see it sometimes. I believe all the problems of the world can be fixed with proper parenting, but it has to start at the beginning. It's so sad that our kids get treated worse than our pets.

I'm starting to think that maybe this really is the field I want to be in and that's really exciting because lately I've been wondering if I'm even going in the right direction.

peekaboo!!!

I did my first hike of the season; my first hike in a long long time, all by myself!!!
Glenn Lake behind me, still covered in snow and ice! well not ALL of it.

See the whole lake wasn't frozen. I met a nice older couple up there.
They were setting up camp. 

Like Woah!

I've fallen off the blogger band wagon. Is that even accurate or correct? I guess I have just been very busy and am starting to wonder the point of it all. I'm thinking blogging, other than for personal enjoyment and contact with family, is pointless. For awhile there it was great but as a use for professional advancement... not so great. Maybe it's because in my professional arena people don't take much stock in blogs. I suppose if I were to really get into it it could be helpful down the road, if I wanted to stay in psychology. But I'm not at all certain that's what I want to do. It's a really rough road to be on and I'm getting tired of the crap pay. If I want more pay then I need to go back to school for a helatiously long period of time; like 6 years JUST for school. That is helatiously long, believe it or not. I know, all you 50 and older crowd are thinking it's not a long time, and you may be right, but right now it seems like an unbearably long time. Espcially going it alone with just my income. Full time school for 6 years? And even then you don't just get to jump into work... and it's still in the crap pay area. I just don't know. I'm feeling very lost. So any words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated right about now.


I've talked to my boss about leaving and she doesn't want me to. And I'm gonna get some more training which will get me more money and make me more desireable down the road. But I am SOOOOOOO busy. I work 6 days a week on a good week. On a bad week I work 7 days. And this is just surviving. It's rediculously expensive out here. It's impossible to live on one income these days. This life is rediculous. That's why people go out and get jobs that they're not passionate about; to survive. Trying to work in something that I enjoy does not pay and it's killing me. I have no time to do things I enjoy. I live in this great city, so close to Washington DC where there are so many things going on, and Baltimore and all these other great cities. I'm a day's visit to New York. But I have no time to partake in any of these wonderful things. I love doing activities but all I do is work and it's driving me mad and depressing me. Sure, I take time off. I do. Some days I'll just call out sick. But this pace is really getting to me. I'm still amazed that I haven't contracted an ulcer or some other kindof strange illness from stress. I guess it's because I do manage stress well. But I am tired.

thank you for your attention and appreciation and letting me have my vent.
In other news... MOUNT ELLIS ACADEMY got the money! So thank you to everyone that voted. They were one of 20 schools I believe to recieve money for the school.

Also, I will be staying in Maryland for awhile longer but am moving to a new apartment. Well, it's a house actually. I am looking forward to getting away from my roommates. Hopefully it works out better than my current arrangement.

I am still really into my audiobooks. I "read" about 1 every week and a half on average. I've devoured some wonderful books. check them out. Some I recently recommend are:

Thunderstruck
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
Saturday
The Lord God Made Them All
Too Late to Say Goodbye
The Innocent Man
The Monster of Florence

I would love to do some more book reviews. Maybe that is what I will do to get back into my blogging. Because I really love books and I love to share them and talk about them. So be looking for my reviews on these above books and more!

til then I will leave you with a wonderful quote...

Anyone can carry his burden, however hard, until nightfall. Anyone can do his work, however hard, for one day. Anyone can live sweetly, patiently, lovingly, purely, till the sun goes down. And this is all life really means. ~Robert Louis Stevenson

 

what's a girl to do!?

" Because I am a woman, I must make unusual efforts to succeed. If I fail, no one will say, "She doesn't have what it takes." They will say, "Women don't have what it takes. "
~Clare Boothe Luce

I do not have a sister. I am the oldest of my close cousins and therefor I never really had a close female bond with anyone my age. I was however, close to my mother, my grandmother and my aunt Julie. So in some ways I can very much relate to Dinah's upbringing. Like Dinah I had the influences of older women and I believe that helped shape me into maturity maybe a little faster than I might've otherwise. It also forced me to think for myself and about bigger things.

The one continuous truth throughout the book The Red Tent is the bond of women. In an interview Diamant says "many readers say that they love the book because of the way it affirms the essential DIGNITY, POWER and INTEGRITY of women's lives." I had to quote her on that because I couldn't have said it better.

We, as women, all have the same thing in common no matter what. All women everywhere are connected by this simple fact; that we give life. Throughout Dinah's story what keeps her going are the women and the bonds they form; the unity of their togetherness.

The second truth I notices about her book is the changing times. In the beginning she tells the story of the mothers and how The Red Tent is a place to celebrate being a woman. As the story progresses the tent is lost on other culture. Women are seen as weak for bleeding. Their time is not celebrated, instead it is an inconvenience and young girls coming into adulthood are cast out to deal with this newness on their own.

In the beginning of the story men and women do not eat together. They do not talk to one another casually either. As the family moves from place to place and Dinah ages, they encounter other cultures. Men and women begin eating together and even working near each other in the same fields. This signifies the changing times. Feminists & women's groups discuss this book becaue it illistrates the way the world has changed and how women eventually became involved in the lives of men.

This book is based in a different time, but the changes it went through are changes that we are seeing today. And that makes The Red Tent a timeless book. The world will always be changing.

Diamant states that we have started to notice the silences in the Bible like Dinah's. Even the women whoare prominently featured are not discussed in great detail. This is true for many of the male characters in the Bible as well, but more so for the women. The point is that people are starting to notice the silences.

While the integration of women into the workplace and other such areas of the world is definately a positive thing, I think we as women have lost our connection. Being a women is seen as a weakness to many an organization. And as women trying to fit in with the men we shun our female counterparts and our very natures, in order to be more like the men. We don't need to but we feel that if we put aside our gender that we will be more valued to a company. But then we are expected to come home and be a woman again.

People tell us that forming women's groups is making us into victims. I believe that it depends on what goes on in those groups. If it's a bunch of people getting together and whining then yes, that is being a victim. But getting together to learn from other women is not a bad thing! We know that men and women are wired differently. Why are we trying to force the femininity out of our lives? Why don't we use it? We can learn from other successful women how to use our different thinking and problem solving styles.

Ladies Who Launch claim that women are not linear thinkers. We think in circles. Everything connects. You see a commercial, which reminds you of a friend, which reminds you of a conversation, which reminds you of a business idea... men don't think the same way. Nobody is wrong, we're just different. Why not celebrate it.

It's a complicated world we live in and we women have a lot of shoes to fill. We take these issues and work them every day. We are mighty.

"I am woman! I am invincible! I am pooped!"

~Author Unknown

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what is your opinion on women's groups? does it make you uneasy to think of being part of one? If the answer is yes, why is that? Have you had unsavory experiences with women's groups?