Nothing Is Ever Wasted

...except me.... right now....

Every once in awhile something happens in your life that makes a big impact.
I'm going to tell you a little story. I know that this has happened to others but it's never happened to someone I knew or to myself. When I really stop to think about it it's not so bad and it's just a part of this era. But it felt like crap.

This is a story about my adventures in dating.

As embarrassing as it is to admit, and as much as I don't want to say it 'out loud', I fear I must. If I say it then I don't ever have to worry about it being embarrassing again. Besides, it made a big impact on me and it's something that I feel I need to write about and share with "the masses"... all 5 of you. ... I've been dating online. Yes. There, I said it! It's out and I can never take it back. Oh well. Life goes on. Now I can add "dating" to my labels. What fun. Now you can make as much fun of me as you like.

No you cannot read my profile.

I've been warned against this by many people. "Why online? Why can't you just meet people?" ... Well first of all, have you met me? I'm apparently not that approachable. Why is that? And secondly... I live in Hamilton for goodness sakes. I've met one decent single guy. And he's 50. The rest of them are either in high school or they're already in a relationship or just plain not interested in fabulous me. But enough whining.

Online dating is not that abnormal these days. Although I don't know if the people doing it can be considered normal. I know I can't. But I digress.... again... I know a wonderful couple that met online and they are married and perfect for each other. It's happened to other people too. So far that has not been my experience.

Onto my story. I started talking to this guy from Virginia who was moving to Montana. He told me one day, I'm on my way. He didn't have any specific plan other than he had a business idea that he wanted to pursue. I had the most interesting and fabulous conversations of my life with him. I was intrigued. He came to Hamilton and decided to rent a room month-to-month from a woman's home. So we went out, we talked, etc. etc. I was keeping my guard up but slowly letting it down day by day. I finally admitted to myself that I did in-fact like him quite a bit. So we had this conversation.. he had left Virginia with a few legal issues pending regarding his kids. He decided that if he were to have any sort of future with me he needed to handle his legal issues. I was okay with this. Bummed that he had to go back for an undetermined length of time, but excited that I'd met someone that I had such good conversation with.

A few days after he left I got an email from a woman who claimed to be his landlord's friend. She tells me he's not who he says he is and that I should stay away. So of course I call him and say wtf yo! What gives!? I will spare you the long drawn out conversation that followed but basically he was still technically married; awaiting divorce and child custody all to be done at the same time... but had been separated for over a year. But, is also ENGAGED and get this... she's pregnant. Yep. And living with him. What? So I asked him how is he talking with me this whole time when she's living with him and he tells me that she's downstairs and would I like to talk to her? Because at this point he's still telling me that he wants to be with me after he gets this whole thing sorted out with her. He had told her about me.

Yes. That is correct.

So I tell him "yes! get her up here and let's have it out!" So he went and got her and we had a little chat. Man, talk about an interesting conversation. Basically this guy had been lying to everyone and wanted to leave this girl and his unborn child to be with me. As if after all this I would want to be with him. She said "my concern is this, are you guys going to continue talking while we're trying to sort this out?" He replied that he wanted to and I said "well I think that would be a little weird" and she said "Thank You!!!" Rightly so. Weird weird weird. I was not irate or rude but mostly in shock that the whole conversation was taking place and he was telling this girl that he wanted to be with me right in front of her. She seemed like a very nice woman and was very kind to me. I feel bad for her.

A few days later I got an email from him letting me know that he'd decided to do the right thing by her and stay with her and that we would no longer be communicating. Go figure. I hope that everything works out for them.

And that is my story.

At this point I'm over it but at the time it really hurt. I learned a lot, and as my mother says "nothing is ever wasted". So while I could have done without this whole experience, it was nice to meet someone that gave me hope that there are eloquent people out there. Sure he turned out to be a sore loser, but that is beside the point. I continue to learn things about life, love and dating. And also about myself.

I apologize if this thing was long-winded and confusing. I sortof used it as a journal type entry to share with the world and I hope it was at least entertaining for you!

Best of luck to us all!

Reclaiming the Slut?

I caught a glimpse of The Doctors the other day and they were arguing about the Slut Walks that have been going on. These walks stem from a comment made by a police officer who said women should stop dressing like sluts if they don't want to be raped. I'm paraphrasing here. That statement very seriously upsets me. This statement comes from a police officer who has clearly not been educated on the topic of rape. The fact that he has not been educated upsets me and the many reactions that this comment stirs up make my blood boil. People on both sides of the fence are ignoring the real problem here.

This statement is taken from msnbc's article on the subject - "It was taking the blame off the rapist and on the victim," said Nicole Sullivan, 21, a student at the University of Massachusetts-Boston and an organizer of the SlutWalk planned Saturday in that city. "So we are using these efforts to reclaim the word 'slut.'"  Ok I understand that women should be able to dress the way that they want without fear of being raped. But this is completely missing the point.

I will explain way.

Rape is not about sex. When a person rapes, its to exert control, to dominate the victim. You can find this fact in many different places if you just look it up. That is why men are raped by heterosexual men. It is not about sex. So the way a woman is dressed does not say to a man, "hey, look at that woman showing cleavage. I think I'll rape her because I'm so sexually aroused right now". Sure, there are guys who carry around roofies and slip them into a girl's drink in order to rape her. But that happens to a lot of women who are not dressed provocatively. And still, even in that case, it's about power.

Certain people get the idea that the woman should take responsibility for being raped.

In the Rape in America study, 80% of the girls and women who were raped were victimized by someone they knew.

Rape in America: A Report to the Nation, National Victim Center, 1992

And then you have these women coming out in rage at these discussions about victims being to blame, and they say that they want to reclaim the word Slut. And I am baffled.

slut  (slt)

n.

1.

a. A person, especially a woman, considered sexually promiscuous.

b. A woman prostitute.

2. A slovenly woman; a slattern.

Why on earth would you want to want to be associated with this word. Sure, no one deserves to be raped. Not even a slut. But no way am I going to walk around in my underwear with a sign saying "it's my hot body I do what I want". You're not doing yourself any favors ladies.

*sigh*

Okay that's my rant. I get frustrated when people can't come together on common ground for a common goal. This whole thing does nothing for victims of rape.

Most commonly, rape is a crime of opportunity; the victim is chosen not because of her looks or behavior, but because she is there.

Helen Benedict, Virgin or Vamp, 1992

Click here for a helpful website for victims of rape.

giant tetris

Sometimes you come across things that make your mind spin. At least I do. Sometimes people do things that amaze me. Great works of art for instance. The pyramids... And then some people build castles by themselves in the dead of night and then move them to a different location after they've completed it....



This is a picture of Coral Castle after it was moved. Remember, all of this was in a different location before and moved here.

 I was recently introduced to Ed Leedskalnin. He's an interesting fellow who built a castle/rock garden in Florida all by himself, cutting coral bedrock and 'lifting' it into position. No one really knows how he did it because he worked in secret and did not allow others to watch him work. He built his castle for his sweetheart who jilted him at the alter; Agnes, his "Sweet16". According to this website, Billy Idol wrote his song Sweet 16 about this guy. Ok so maybe he was a little off... but he built a castle.

Below are a few videos on Youtube. They're a little old, so don't mind the music... and the acting.
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

Here's another video about old Ed.  There was one that lightly suggested aliens. I opted out of sharing that one here. ... Ed stated that he knew the secrets of the Pyramids, and if you look at some of the structures there are some that point to the pyramids as well as Stonehenge; one that is taller than the stonehenge rocks.

It's amazing that this is the first I'm hearing of this guy. Yep, that's him right there in the black suit. He's not much taller than myself, 5 feet. ... I wish I knew more about this amazing little guy. I suggest that you watch the videos and see for yourself how fascinating his story really is. It's amazing what can be done when you put your mind to something... This is an interesting website and has some pictures of some of his devices and such. He mentioned several times that people just don't understand how magnetic currents work...

As old Ed said... "it's not difficult really, the secret is in knowing how"

Here are some interesting facts about old Ed...

• He had a 4th grade education.
• He was a Mason
• He moved to Florida from Latvia
• The government refused to let him patent his perpetual motion magnet machine and it was shortly after that that he was beaten.
• The government kept asking him to send his machine to them. His patent plans have never been found.
• He had iron soles in his shoes
• The author of the book states that he has never been interviewed by a Florida radio station... this is a local wonder that holds many secrets and he's never been interviewed by a local radio station?
• After Ed took himself to the hospital he died there of malnurishment. During the 3 days he was in the hospital his place was looted and parts of his machine were taken. He didn't have anything else to steal. He led a simple life.

  

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If you're really interested check out this video.
click here... it's an interview with the guy who wrote "waiting for Agnes". He's done a lot of research on this guy and his castle. here and there Now, I'm sorry that I do not agree with the aliens aspect that is suggested... but it mentions the pyramids and their natural mumification qualities and other aspects which I found quite fascinating. it's an 11-parter; you can find the rest on youtube. It has a LOT more information and is quite detailed. If this interests you then definitely check out these videos.
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Water for Elephants

I just finished Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen. Yes, the book. Not the movie. I read the book. Sheesh. I thought the book sounded interesting so I read a few reviews and didn't like them so I opted out of reading it. Then when I saw the movie was coming out I figured I needed to hurry up and read it so that I could watch the movie. So I did.

I mostly like what the NewYorkTimes review says, although I did not read this particular review before reading the book. I read Amazon's reviews and that's where I got my skepticism from. As of this writing there are 133 one-star reviews and 2,079 five-star reviews. Yes, two-thousand is a big number but 133 is also a pretty big number and it's big enough to make me think twice about reading a book. Elizabeth Judd of the NYTimes says this: "Gruen's prose is merely serviceable, and she hurtles through cataclysmic events, overstuffing her whiplash narrative with drama (there's an animal stampede, two murders and countless fights). She also asserts a grand passion between Jacob and Marlena that's never convincingly demonstrated." And I think that pretty much sums it up.

I am happy that I read the book. I ended up enjoying it and I really loved the ending. But it is nowhere near the best book I've ever read. I was disturbed that I didn't really feel the romantic feelings between Jacob and Marlena. I enjoyed more the relationship between Jacob and Walter the clown. I could feel the emotions in that relationship more than the supposed romantic one.

I would not rate it a 1 and I would not rate it a 5. I'd say it's about a 3 or a 3.5 mostly because I enjoyed the story overall. At the end of the book there is an interview with Gruen. I always enjoy reading the interviews with authors after reading a book. She apparently did a lot of research and fell in love with the circus world. I have to admit it's kindof a romantic idea. She also mentions two female elephants that she believes deserve to be remembered. She fashioned Rosie, the elephant in the book, on these two real elephants. So of course I had to do my own bit of research on them. . . .

TOPSY THE ELEPHANT - Topsy killed her handler after he fed her a lit cigarette. It was her third strike and was therefor slated for execution. They were going to hang her publicly but the public thought that was cruel and unusual. So Topsy's owners contacted Thomas Edison and he executed her with electric current to help prove a point he'd been trying to get across. You can also Google Topsy the elephant if you'd like to know more.

OLD MOM the ELEPHANT - Old Mom understood German but did not respond to English. She was purchased from circus legend & father of the modern zoo Carl Hagenbeck who claimed her to be the smartest elephant that ever lived. However the purchasers did not realize she only understood German; they couldn't get her to do anything but shuffle around. They finally retrained her to respond to English and she went on the a dazzling career.

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Here's a preview of the movie, which I have not seen yet but I heard it was pretty good.

ps... I love the cover of the book. very cool. You gotta pick a good cover.

If you decide to read it I doubt you will be disappointed if you do not expect absolutely amazing things.

something beautiful

Time to share some more music. What is it about music that speaks to us so much? Or at least to me. I feel like it expresses so much what I cannot say. I love the chords and the feeling I get from it.

All good music resembles something. Good music stirs by its mysterious resemblance to the objects and feelings which motivated it. - Jean Cocteau

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Here is a newly discovered favorite of mine. I love the old style of this video and the way their voices blend. They make such beautiful harmonies. I just can't get enough of them... The Civil Wars. I also love their song Poison and Wine; you have to check it out, it's powerful.

Dance Me to the End of Love

"dance me very tenderly dance me very long "

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I heard Vicci Martinez on The Voice, which was an okay show but I ended up really loving Vicci. She seems to sing with so much heart, and I think her voice is great and she's short and spunky. What's not to love?! Here is one of her originals below; Peace of Mind... I thought her version of The Dog Days Are Over was amazing as well.

"& I do appreciate what you've shown me, cuz I'm better after all. 

& I know that you and I are gonna find some peace of mind."

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Tony Lucca! Here's a fun one. When I was living in Maryland I stumbled across him and went to see him in a little coffee shop and he was totally fabulous. He seems to be doing really well and I'm so happy that he is because I think he is very talented and I do love his music. Isn't it fun when you discover something on your own and it's not shoved down your throat on the radio every day... Here's my favorite of his below, Pretty Things. Check out Darlin' I as well.

"been reading all the letters that you wrote me, all the fairy tales that you sold me"

below: I Can I Will I Do - my favorite of his.

"passion aint no kind of passion at all when it's your heart that it steals"

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I was born with music inside me. Music was one of my parts. Like my ribs, my kidneys, my liver, my heart. Like my blood. It was a force already within me when I arrived on the scene. It was a necessity for me-like food or water. -Ray Charles

There's nothing like music to relieve the soul and uplift it. 
-Mickey Hart

garbledeegoop

That's a word that my mother used to use and probably still does on occasion :) I couldn't think of a specific topic to write about today so I'm just gonna free-write and just go with it and see what comes out. I have a lot of things on my brain; a lot of garbledeegoop!

I guess I'll start with an update on what's going on with me lately. Grandpa is in the living room, "watching" the news. For those of you who don't know, that means napping. He's got a busy summer. He went to the lake already, came home and did yard work, then he's going for a week long backpacking trip (yes he's 80).. after that he is going to rest a week (ie: do more yardwork) and then bike to Bozeman to help seniors in high school learn about the wild wilderness.. He's a busy man. Notice how I said let me tell you what's going on in my life and I tell you about my grandpa. Of course. But he's an inspiration to a lot of people and to me. Therefor it must be mentioned.

I'm posting some pictures below of my latest hiking adventure. It was exhilarating to be out in nature like that all by myself. I'm trying to pick my next hike. I would love to go bike the Hiawatha Bike Trail soon. I've been trying to go for a long time but it hasn't worked out yet. It's kindof a far drive & I think it would be more fun to go with someone for that particular adventure. I've had a bit of a hard time finding adventure partners and that's been a little bit frustrating. But I'm a big girl and I can do things on my own. It's good to be alone but I'm also pretty social and being female I feel successful and happy when I have good relationships. When my relationships aren't very strong I feel 'down'. So that's something I've been dealing with also; it seems that everyone is too busy with their schedules and doing things with their significant others. I pray about it and God has truly been helping me with that.

My job situation has improved. I'm still working weekend afternoons at a mental health group home and I am really liking it. I've also recently been hired at a Youth Home for kids in transition. I'm only relief staff right now but there are a few openings and I'm hoping to get one of them. I'm very excited because I really like working there so far. They have a wonderful philosophy and I've been trying to get work in the youth field for a long time now. I have a big heart for kids in trouble. Youth are amazing and people don't see it sometimes. I believe all the problems of the world can be fixed with proper parenting, but it has to start at the beginning. It's so sad that our kids get treated worse than our pets.

I'm starting to think that maybe this really is the field I want to be in and that's really exciting because lately I've been wondering if I'm even going in the right direction.

peekaboo!!!

I did my first hike of the season; my first hike in a long long time, all by myself!!!
Glenn Lake behind me, still covered in snow and ice! well not ALL of it.

See the whole lake wasn't frozen. I met a nice older couple up there.
They were setting up camp. 

checking in

Just checkin' in with y'all. I have several topics that I'm getting ready to blog about but I first need to sit down and write them and get all my thoughts in perspective. But I thought I'd post a little teaser...

First of all, I don't want to delve into great detail here but my very good friend's mother was murdered. Here is the link to the article in the Missoulian. It's such an awfully sad story. She's been dealing with a lot so I don't think it would be right to make a huge article about it, but I want people to know. And I couldn't just ignore it either. There are some things I want to mention in regards to this later on as well.
She was a such a vibrant friendly woman in every way. She was always up for fun and/or mischief. Such a joy to be around. She always made me feel welcome. I will miss her.

I attended campmeeting in Bozeman this last week and I'm excited to tell y'all about my experience there.

I've had some pretty serious work issues lately and I've got some interesting ideas on that.

Those are the main things I'm pondering and hope to delve into later on. For right now I've got things to do!

Peace&Love